What about my Monkeys?

Learning to mind your own business is a skill that we acquire through life. Sayings like “worry about your side of the fence” or ‘“not my circus, not my monkeys” are calming words to mutter to yourself as you deal with someone who radiates drama.

Yet it always left me asking, “What about MY monkeys?” because they are loud AF.

When you are raised in a dysfunctional family, they really never shut up. Even in the dissociative episodes they sound like static in the distance.

Some are trying to help, some mimic your traumatized mother, and some just throw poop at the wall. While they are a handful, we love them and are stuck with them. So, what now?! The only thing I could think of was to become Arnold Schwanagger in Kindergarten cop. (I use a lot of movie references, sorry not sorry)

If I can sit with them while they screech, wake me up at night, lash out at an unexpecting victim, and create all around chaos, maybe I can get the to quiet down a little. After years of EMDR, internal family systems, somatic healing, and sobriety, here is one thing that helped me through this bizarre mental health journey called life. This is an introduction to a few of mine. Yours will vary greatly in size, volume, and abilities. Train them as such.

1: Some are straight up toxic. For this a**holes, we need to learn how to take their power away. Sure, you can ride along but you sure as hell aren’t driving. I also like to name the monkeys individually so I can call them out by name when they act up. This one is named Geoffrey. He usually comes from cultural expectations, old paradigms, and generational traumas. It isn’t ours but we will always have them in the back ground.

2: Some are trying their best to help and are here usually because of #1. Addictions, PTSD, unhelpful coping mechanisms of all kinds, and patterns adapted from abuse. I like to treat these guys as the 4th clone in the Michael Keaton 1996 masterpiece, Multiplicity. They have A LOT of energy and are really super sweet on the inside! Keep them busy! Workout, Eat Healthy, Learn a new skill, or get a therapist. I have to remember, they have saved my life at one point, or many points. I am responsible for guiding them through life.

3: The timid: For me I think this might be my powerhouse, my creativity, connection to source, meditative, wise beyond her soft young years. This one is Luna.

4: The ninja and/or juggernaut I relate to intellectual capacity and confidence. Ideally, I will have these guys protect the timid monkey. They are head strong but don’t say a lot. And you’ll need them as your monkey in sticky situations. Deadlines, Emergencies, etc. Make sure they are ready for the task when it arises.

Depending on your monkeys, they will like different things. My monkeys become quiet when I sketch, write, and hike. Pay attention to how you feel after a task, are they quiet, or are they louder than a twister tearing up Texas. Our ratios are also different. Who is louder? How many are there? Speak to them out loud! Seriously, it actually works like a charm, or banana. *chuckles to self at computer*

There are many ways to get animal trainers too! I know it isn’t possible a lot of the time but a licensed therapist is life changing. There are wonderful support groups online depending on the poop thrower’s mental hitch. And of course, nature! It is free and knows what out-of-control monkeys need.

Enough primate references! Just know, you are not alone, not by a long shot! And you can disentangle.